What throws me out of a fantasy novel

For writers looking to query their first novel, Miss Snark recommends reading other current first novels in the same genre to get a good idea of what your competition is like (rather than comparing yourself to, say, George R.R. Martin, etc.). So I've been reading a lot of first novels these past few weeks. Or should I say starting a lot of first novels. I've only made it all the way through two: The Prodigal Troll by Charles Coleman Finlay (which was a bit too much like Tarzan for my tastes, but otherwise the writing was good and I expect his second novel will be one I really enjoy) and Crystal Rain by Tobias Buckell (which is labeled sci-fi, but with its focus on forgotten knowledge and old gods it kinda feels like a fantasy, but on the whole could best be classified as a kick-ass adventure story except no one has a shelf for that). Otherwise, I've been doing a lot of grumbling out loud while reading these things. Believe me, reading that Amy Tan book last week was like a tall, cool glass of iced tea on a hot, muggy day. Bliss.

The book I threw across the room last night was so bad even the commas were pissing me off (to which complaint Quin said, "What is it with you and commas? Have you ever brought up commas and not have it all end badly?" Which is true, but those are stories for another time). But I don't really feel like complaining about the writing (although if your MC does the exact same thing, like "cry out in horror" 3 times in 2 pages, that's pretty much the end of the book for me, OK?). I'm going to talk about the other things that throw me out of a fantasy book. Most of it has to do with research.

Now I love fantasy, it's my genre. Because I love it, I expect more from it. (Be glad I'm not your mom). So here is my semi-list of a few things that throw me out of a fantasy novel.

First one: hallways. There is some question as to when historically hallways came into fashion (read this debate if you're interested, it hits most of the points I'm thinking of), and of course it depends on what part of the world we're talking about, and how rich the homeowners in question are. Here's the grub: if you tell me your blacksmith's house has a hallway in it, I'm going to want to know how he heats and how he lights it (and what he wants the dead space for anyway). The idea of bedrooms branching off a hallway is pretty ingrained in our modern brains, but back in the day it was a lot more efficient to just heat one room and have everyone sleep there (particularly if they are poor and the weather's cold). The one room house makes a lot of sense to me, but you don't see it much in fantasy (everyone wants their characters to have more privacy, I guess). A step up from that is interconnecting rooms, each with its own fireplace. This was the model for even rich people's homes for a long, long time. It solves the light and heat issue and gives some privacy since the rooms have doors between them (which makes me think of Nicole Kidman and her ring of keys in the movie The Others).

On a related note, baby sleeping in its own room. Didn't happen until, what, the Victorian age (and again only with the rich). Still doesn't happen in most parts of the world. Even if the mother is rich, she has a wet nurse and the wet nurse sleeps with the baby. But a baby sleeping alone in it's own room? I don't think so.

Some people are bothered by food in fantasy novels. The whole how did Samwise get potatoes since that's a New World vegetable thing. Unless your novel is actually set on Earth in the past, this isn't going to bother me. What does bother me is characters in an arctic climate eating tropical food. Or someone eating fresh, red apples in springtime. Do some research. What's the climate like where your story is set? What sort of food would grow well there? What could be tough to grow but worth big bucks if you managed to get a crop in? And what would be a rare delicacy from a far off place? Read some history books about what life was like for the commoners back in the day: only the rich had anything like a varied diet.

Another deal-breaker: literacy. If every character in your story can read and write, I'm going to have a hard time swallowing it. Let's go back to the blacksmith with his spacious home (he was in the book I couldn't manage to read last night). He and his wife were leaving notes for each other around the house. Let's leave out the rarity of paper for a bit. This young blacksmith would have been working at his father's side, learning the trade, ever since he was old enough to hold a hammer (and I'm going to bet those weren't often just 8 hour workdays). When did he have time to learn to read? Who taught him? Why? He's a blacksmith: you come up and tell him what you need and he makes it. He doesn't take written orders, now does he? No one was writing books that would interest a blacksmith until after the printing press, not to mention books were just flat-out rare and very expensive.

Also, everyone in these books is always fully literate: no one struggles with unfamiliar words or has dyslexia or anything.

*sigh*

You can see how seldom I'm pleased by a book these days. If you don't mind, I think I'll dip back into George R.R. Martin for a bit. I have a novella of his I haven't read yet. Once that's recharged my batteries I'll plunge back into these new novels.

Then I'll probably write another list.