Special Issue! The Timberwolves Episode Guide

I am publicly admitting it: I was not on board with Buffy from episode one. I had heard about the show and was intrigued, but it premiered about the same time as my first son and I was busy. Also, I thought I was a little too old to still be watching shows about high schoolers.

But my coworkers at the Red Cross midnight shift were huge Buffy fans. I knew when a new episode had aired because it would be all that was talked about in the break room. So you can say I got into Buffy from the oral tradition.

But I didn't start actually watching the show until Entertainment Weekly did a complete episode guide complete with character descriptions of the first three seasons. Also, Buffy was going to college and I figured I wasn't too old to watch a show about college students. That and I was working a more normal job (only after working the midnight shift could a job that starts at 6 a.m. be called "normal").

So what's the point of all this? Well, it occurred to me that if someone wanted to started watching Timberwolves on TV, and that someone felt they couldn't really get into it because they didn't know the players, what that someone needed was a Timberwolves episode guide. Or rather, just the "character" descriptions. I'm a fiction writer, everything I see on TV is fiction as far as I'm concerned, and everyone I see is a character on a show. So, here are our characters:

Kevin Garnet (21, F): Don't even tell me you don't know KG. He's solid, he's a star, and he's a gentleman. I don't just mean he's a teamplayer, although he is. The Wolves took some local Katrina kids Christmas shopping as part of their Fastbreak charity work, and while the others were helping the kids find Xboxes and walkmans, KG was helping them pick out clothes (and harrassing them to try things on to be sure they fit; there was no point in getting them clothes they would never wear). Well, I found it funny. KG is coolest when he starts facing away from the basket, then spins and shoots like he's got eyes in the back of his head. The man always knows where the basket is.

Wally Szczerbiak (10, F-C): You can pronounced that like "Zerbiak". He's dad was a basketball player from Eastern Europe who played in the US and Europe (Wally was born in Madrid but grew up on Long Island). He was uneven last year but had a few spectacular games. This year he's playing at all-star level, which is really fun to watch. He averaged more than 25 points a game in December. Plus, he's been working on his defense (as in, he's actually playing defense). My jersey is a Szczerbiak ('nuff said).

Troy Hudson (16, G): Point guard with a mean 3-pointer, although one of the changes with our new coach Dwayne Casey is that the point guards focus on ball movement rather than making their own shots. T-Hud is on my computer wallpaper. I like the way he bounce/skips when he dribbles (it might be because of the hair; if he were bald it probably wouldn't look so fra-la-la when he's moving down court). Troy was second guy to Sam Cassell last year, and now he's second to Marko Jaric, but he's a great off-the-bench player. He has chronic leg/hip troubles that put him on the injured list, though. He also raps (as T-Hud), but unlike Ron Artest, he has no conflict about what he'd rather be doing (definitely a basketball player first).

Marko Jaric (55, G): Jaric is new to the team this year from our trade with the Clippers (we gave up Sam Cassell, which is said because I always liked Sam. He looked like Yoda or ET, but in a good way). Marko is our starting point guard, good with ball movement and very quick on the steal. He's scoring is only middling, however. He's another Eastern European (born in the former Yugoslavia), and his father was also a basketball player in Europe. He has a sort of studious vibe, like he's trying hard to do what's expected, but he's also fun to watch (if that makes sense).

Trenton Hassell (23, G): Mostly their as a defensive player, but he can score some crucial 3-pointers.

Michael Olowokandi (34, C): Tall and lanky with this hair that seems to have a life of its own (Quin thinks he's letting it grow out so he can start dreadlocks). He's from Nigeria, the son of a diplomat (so he grew up in England). Up through last year I couldn't stand him, he never seemed to be trying or taking anything seriously, always late for the plane or getting arrested in clubs. But he seems to have really clicked with the new coach's style. He is mostly their to block and get rebounds, but he's been getting some points lately too, and he actually looks like he enjoys being in the NBA (and for as much as these guys get paid, they should all look like their having fun, in my book).

Eddie Griffin (41, F): I have a soft spot for Griffin. He had a brush with the law over the summer for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but it seems to have really gotten his head in the right place. He's very focused on his game, but he seems shy. He had a personal best game last Wednesday (best point total, but he also had a double double because he was on the rebounds). He ducked out of the locker room to avoid the press. Then he played really abominably on Friday, trying for 3-pointers when he should have passed the ball. I think the praise freaked him out. But I'm sure he'll find his focus again.

Rashad McCants (1, G): Our draft pick and hence a rookie, but he has potential. Granted, he seems to think he's a star already and is looking for the refs to throw calls his way, and given the choice between a solid shot and an opportunity to showboat, he'll pick the showboat. But that's cool, he's young yet, and KG in particular seems to really enjoy playing with him. I think KG is looking for a younger player to act as mentor to, as Sam Mitchell was for him, and McCants may be the one. He's worth keeping an eye on.

Richie Frahm (24, G): Another new guy (coming to us from Portland). He looks too young to be playing in the NBA (and when did I get to be older than most NBA players? When did that happen?). He's uneven yet, but he's made some impressive 3-pointers, especially in the season opener.

Anthony Carter (7, G): I like AC. I'm sure he's colossally tall, but he looks stocky like a Tolkein dwarf. It must be the neck; he has a seriously thick neck. He's our third point guard so he doesn't get a lot of minutes. He had a really spectacular game once last year which was fun to watch since he usually doesn't get much play time. He's an aggressive player, but not unprofressionally so.

Ronald Dupree (12, F): He's new and doesn't get a lot of minutes. He does have really skinny legs (even for a basketball player).

Mark Madsen (35, F): Former Laker. Nickname is Mad Dog (I don't know why, he seems so nice). He's there for defense (Shaq has a better freethrow percentage), but he's also the team's #1 cheerleader. Whenever they show the bench during the game, Mark is on his feet, fist pumping, cheering the rest of the team on. He may not get many minutes, but he's presence is invaluable. Personally, I think part of the reason we tanked last year were his injuries. Without him there, the others just don't play as well.

Nikoloz Tskitishivili (17, F): You know, I've not actually seen him play (I work three nights a week, so I only catch about half the games). Apparently he speaks six languages and has the nickname "Skita". According to his bio, his favorite players as a kid were Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant. So that was like, what, two years ago? Eek! These guys make me feel old.

Dwayne Jones (11, F-C): We have a player named Dwayne Jones????

Bracey White (6, G): We have a player named Bracey White??? These guys must be new.

If you're a number cruncher, everyone's stats are here. And if you're a visual person, they all have pics (and bios) up here.

Two more people need mentioning. The first is our brand new coach Dwayne Casey. I like him. He's done wonders for our team, motivating the slackers and getting Wally to focus on his defensive game just to start. I guess the guy has no family: he lives, breathes, and eats basketball (or something like that). And when he's mad, he gets this look in his eye... I'm glad he's not my dad, that's all I'm saying.

And then there is Freddy Hoiberg (32): He's not on the team this year. He had surgery over the summer to fix a congenital heart valve defect, and he has a pacemaker now and is still getting his strength back. If he does get to play again, he'll be the first NBA player to play with a pacemaker. I hope he does; he's a solid player with a positive attitude (definitely has that farmboy from Iowa vibe, married his highschool sweetheart, the whole nine yards). You can see him sitting behind the bench; he still works with the Wolves in practices (I've heard his name come up in particular when Frahm was nailing 3-pointers during the season opener). It's gotta suck for him, being at all the games but never getting to play. Best wishes to Freddy.

Things to watch for as a team: I mentioned the new coach has put the focus on defense (as in, you play solid defense or you don't get your minutes). There were 20 turnovers in the last game against Orlando. It was pathetic and sad. But on the whole they are playing much better this year than last. KG and Wally are both on spec; we're just looking for someone to step up and take the role of third scorer. Will it be Griffin? Jaric? McCants? That's going to make the difference between making the play-offs or (like last year) not.